The Myth of Vulnerability
I'd like to talk this evening about the myth of vulnerability. All of the ego's armor is an attempt to prevent the feeling of vulnerability, no matter what the particulars are. The ego is terrified of feeling any sense of threat. And the subliminal or overt message is that threat or vulnerability is weakening and can injure you. All of the pain and suffering that arises when there is any sense of threat is because the ego is constantly trying to ward it off, to deny it, to rationalize it, to blame something, to shield the taste of it. But I would like to explore what the truth of vulnerability is.
What is called vulnerability is, for most, momentary times in your life's dream when something causes the protective armoring which has been called 'you' to be torn open. But when trust roots itself enough, what is discovered is that this supposed vulnerability arises when egoic armor is ripped away and this is what has blocked you from feeling your own heart all along. When you are not lost in the ego's attempt to immediately rebuild the shield and you remain open in it, the taste of vulnerability is the taste of pure love. It is the taste of your own, unguarded heart. It is so real. It is so exquisite. The irony is, when you really discover vulnerability, it's no longer vulnerability. Because what makes it painful is not the ripping away of the armor, it's the conditioned mind's immediate interpretation calling it a horror.
From very young life, everyone experiences the mind's interpretation of this so-called horror. And it spins its wheels trying to do everything but revisit that, calling it suffering and this brings up a sense of enormous vulnerability. But it is not really vulnerability that you taste, it's the armor around the story. But when trust is rooted and the play tears the armor away, what is discovered is that you love it. That it is not weakness, it is true strength that nothing can touch. That you truly cannot be injured, you can only have your built-up conditioning torn apart.
When you discover the truth of things, there is no longer anything in the world to fear. And if fear comes up, underneath it is this luscious, open heart that the mind calls vulnerable. It is only in being open to the unknown, without control, in what is unfamiliar, that you find God. If everything feels neat and familiar and protected, then the armoring is running the show.
To the mind's shock, when the construct is blown wide open, the taste of God permeates even the most profane acts. You know before I had eyes to see, I could not understand how the actions that have occurred in Tibet could happen, how beings so devoted to love could be tortured and torn apart. But I was seeing through the mind, which means I couldn't see.
In Taoism, and really in all mystical teachings, it is written that God is found in the darkness. Not that God does not exist in the light, but it is in the darkness that your mind's eye is shut, out of fear of meeting your own vulnerability. And meeting your own vulnerability is the inroad into true sight, into your own heart, without the conditioned protective armor. Stripped of knowing anything, not even one concept.
It is such an amazing point when one begins falling in love with the sense of personal vulnerability. It is the beginning of true strength. Not strength that is dependent on something, but true strength. That is untouched by anything. And what is untouched by anything? Love.
So what is the offering here? You do not have to go very far to realize that life on a very regular basis brings up what you call challenges. But if you forgo the interpretation and you dive into the vulnerability that lies underneath, then you discover the gateway.
In this blessed journey into self-discovery, into what is free of everything, there is this increase in the amount of time spent meeting what is called vulnerability in deeper and deeper ways. Meaning that the protection slowly begins to fall away. And when it is happening in an environment that is reproducing the memory of pain, there is the experience of what is called vulnerability. And this happens more as the shielding melts and the process accelerates. And at a certain point, vulnerability is no longer vulnerability. It no longer feels vulnerable. It no longer feels weakened. What it feels like is absolute freedom, a coming home to your awakening heart.